In Memory of Ross the man with the blue eyes

Once upon a time in the late 1950’s there was a 14 year old girl named Donna. She was blond, tall, beautiful green eyes, great figure, and big smile, a typical California girl who loved the ocean, surfing and boys.

Her grandparents were English and French immigrants. Donna and her friends used to hang out at the local Pizza parlor across the street from the pier. A gorgeous 18 year old boy named Russ worked behind the counter. He had blond hair, ocean blue eyes, nice tan and great body. Their eyes met and sparks went flying, they fell in lust and then in love. We all know what an 18 year old boy’s hormones are all about and Donna was so much in love with Russ that she decided that HE WAS THE ONE. The relationship between Russ and Donna started.

Russ was born in Chicago Ill. He had 2 brothers and 2 sisters, him being the 3rd born. Russ’s grandparents were from Norway and migrated to America in the early 20's. Russ’s father was first American born and his Mother’s side were Danish immigrants and Father's side were from Norway. At the age of 5 Russ’s parents divorced, the father moved to Arkansas and married a burlesque dancer and the mother decided she wanted a new “career” so she placed all 5 kids in an orphanage in Chicago and moved to California to pursue her career as a Prostitute.

Once Russ was at the age where he had to be released from the Orphanage he hitch hiked to California to find his Mother. By then she had given up the prostitute business and became a secretary. Russ got a job in Los Angeles and lived with his Mother. Russ’s oldest brother and oldest sister moved to California after him and they all lived together, there was only one condition, they all had to work and Russ never finished High School.

Donna had two brothers and one younger sister. She had many friends and was an average student. She lived with her Mom and Dad; they had the typical American dream life, a white house with a picket fence, a dog, a Mom a Dad. It’s all good! Life was good and now Donna was dating a cute boy who took her dancing, to the movies, swam with her in the blue ocean, went surfing with her, she was happy. They both were happy and in love, kids love, but love after all.

In 1959 Donna found out she was pregnant, they both wanted to keep the baby and get married however Donna’s father had other plans, pretty much find Russ and kick his ass. Bill (Donna’s father) went looking for Russ. He had anger in his eyes, death in his hands and would not allow Donna to marry a boy who sold Pizzas at night and delivered milk in the mornings aboy with no education plus his mom used to be a whore? “Hell no! Not my Daughter” he yelled. The day Donna told his parents, she told them that they loved each other and they wanted to keep and raise the baby, again, that was a NO NO.

Bill arrived at Russ’s house, Don (Ross’s older brother) already knew “the news”. As he opened the door he saw a tall man raging with anger looking for Russ “he is not here sir and I don’t know where he is” said Don. “I will wait till he gets back, I am going to kill him, he got my 15 year old daughter pregnant” Bill sat on the sofa, his legs was shaking, you could smell the tension in the room. Russ’s mom got home and started talking to Bill. Don took that opportunity to run and tell his brother to get out of town “Donna’s father is going to kill you, go back to Chicago” Don handed Russ $200.00 “But I want to marry Donna” said Russ “ Chances are that you will visit your grave before you visit the altar. Go!” Russ took the $200.00 and ran; he called Donna and asked to meet by the Pier. They were both in tears, they really thought they could change her family’s mind, but Donna knew her father quite well, and her mother Betty was already making plans for her to go to a “Girls home”, which was a place where young unwedded pregnant girls were taken so no one would know they had sinned, pretty much labeled them whores, sluts, girls gone wild.

Russ and Donna tried to come up with a solution, and there was none.
“Donna please promise me that you will keep this baby, promise me you won’t put this baby in an orphanage, PLEASE PROMISE ME THAT” and she did. They kissed, hugged, cried, told each other how much they loved each other and he left without telling her where he was going, trying to protect her from her father’s anger and afraid that if she said where he was, Bill would send someone to kill him.

Donna was 4 months pregnant when her Mother Betty told her that she had met a nice young man “I think he could be a good father for the baby and he would marry you too” , “But I don’t know him, I don’t want a husband, I want Russ, and I don’t love this guy”.. “Oh don’t worry; you will learn to love him”. Ronald met Donna, she was already showing, she was so beautiful that he was attracted to her immediately. “I don’t like him Mom” cried Donna “Well either you marry him or you give that baby away”. The promise she gave Russ of not putting the baby in an orphanage came to her mind, she couldn’t let him down. “Ok I will marry Ronald, but I will keep this baby”. One month later, in the presence of the JP, Ronald and Donna were married, she was 15 years old, he was 21 and he was named her “Legal Guardian”.

Apparently Betty and Bill did not do a thorough background check on Ronald to find out if he had severe problems such as alcoholism and loss of temper. As soon as the words “I DO” came out of both months, Ronald became controlling, aggressive and their first night as a married couple he got drunk to where he forced himself on Donna and ended up giving her a black eye. This abuse went on almost every day. When he was sober he was fine, but as soon as he had one drink he became an evil abusive man. Donna didn’t want to tell her family because she knew that as soon as the baby was born they would take it away from her. “ORPHANAGE” was her fear; she was not going to break her promise to her first love.

One afternoon Ronald got home from work, drunk, yelling, he started pushing Donna (now 7 months pregnant) he tried hitting her on the stomach “this baby is not mine you whore, once its born it won’t be alive for long, YOU HEAR ME?” he pushed her, beat her up, Donna was desperately trying to protect het stomach, he bent Donna down, pressed her head on the table and proceeded to rape her and beat her at the same time.

The next day, Ronald went to work, Donna had bruises everywhere, a broken lip, a black eye, and she knew then that she only had one choice; the threat of Ronald to kill the baby once it was born could be real. Donna called her parents and went to see them. As soon as she walked into her parents living room, both were in shock, she told them what had been happening and that now she was not only afraid for the baby's life but also for her own life. “I don’t want to put this baby in an orphanage, I found a Jewish Adoption agency and I an going to talk with them” her mind was made, she didn’t care what her parents had to say, they had chosen a man that threatened her life, beat her up. Russ would never do that to her.

Donna had a couple of Jewish friends, they always invited her to their house, she loved the way their parents took care of the kids, how at dinner they talked about what they had done that day, she was invited to Yom Kippur and other Jewish Holidays. Donna felt at home when she went to see her Jewish friends “that’s the kind of parents I want for my baby”.

When Donna walked into the Jewish adoption agency, she met a beautiful lady, her name was Molly. Molly looked like Lucy Ball, read hair, raspy voice, a bright light in her eyes and she could feel her compassion. They asked Donna about her past, the concern of her being married, and Donna told the truth, her fears, her horrible life that she had to live since Ronald was named her legal guardian, and also made sure that the agency would have a family ready for when she gave birth “Promise me Molly that my baby will not go into an orphanage, not even for a day”. The Promise was kept.

March 1960 Donna was rushed to the hospital. That morning, Ronald decided he would take all his frustration on Donna. While she was making breakfast, he walked behind her, and while wearing his favorite cowboy boots he kicked her between the legs as hard as he could one more time. Donna fell on the floor, her stomach started cramping, and Ronald left her and went to work. Donna managed to get the neighbor and he rushed her to the hospital where she stayed for 2 days before she gave birth.

Back in the 50’s and 60’s California law stared that if a child is going to be given up for adoption, nothing could be done from the hospital; the child had to have a birth certificate with both biological parents on the papers. Once the mother and baby left the hospital, the adoption could take place outside the premises, far away from the hospital. Also, all nurses knew that if that patient was giving the child up for adoption, the birth mother would be kept from seeing the baby. In Donna’s case, the new nurse didn’t know this rule and she brought the baby to Donna for feeding time. Donna laying in bed, crying, thinking of Russ, wanting to escape with the baby and look for Russ, all of a sudden the door opens and a little bundle was put in her arms, “my baby... what is it Nurse?” “It’s a girl” said the nurse, as Donna was getting her breast ready for her baby’s first feed the Head Nurse came into the room, yelled at the other nurse, took the baby away “You know this baby will not be yours soon, so don’t look at her” Everything in Donna’s life for the past 8 months had been horrible, but that moment, when the baby was removed from her, it was the worst moment in her life, all othe pain was nothing compared to losing her baby. She wanted to die, she wanted to run away, she wanted the baby “she has Russ’s face” she said to the nurse. Later that afternoon another nurse came in “you have to sign this papers and tell us what name you are giving the baby” Donna didn’t read any of the papers she just signed them, her mind was on what to name the baby. Donna decided to give the baby a name that someday would give that child a clue that she loved her. “Patricia, it means good luck” said Donna, and Patricia it was.

Two days later, Donna, Ronald and baby Patricia were picked up from the hospital on a white stretch limo. All Donna could do was look at the baby’s face, touch her little hand, and whisper prayers into her little ears, “I want you to know that I will always love you, I will never forget you and I am only doing this because I want the best for you. On your birthday, look up to the sky, I'll be thinking of you” then she whispered God’s prayer holding the baby next to her heart, It was the hardest time for that 16 year old girl who put herself thru everything to keep that little baby and now she had to let go, for the baby’s sake, for her love toward Patricia..

They arrived at a parking lot about 10 miles from the hospital. The chauffer parked the limo and Donna noticed another stretched black limo coming towards them. The black limo stopped and out came a beautiful woman, dark black hair; she looked like a movie star, with her came 2 attorneys. Donna’s door opened and the Chauffer extended his hand to help her out. Donna was holding the baby so close and so tight she tried to contain her pain, tried to put a smile on her face, stop the tears from falling, one attorney stood back holding a camera “please hand the baby to the lady” said the attorney. Pictures were taken as she felt the women’s hands taking the baby from her arms “Please Maam, if she ever asks, tell her I did it out of love for her, I know you will take care of her” Donna gave the baby a kiss on her forehead, looked at the women’s eyes and turned around and got back in the Limo “Please let’s go before I do something” The doors closed, Ronald got in the limo. She never felt so much hatred toward someone as she was feeling for Ronald “oh don’t worry, I will get you pregnant soon and you can forget about that baby” How could she forget? She didn’t even love Ronald, she wanted nothing to do with Ronald, she wanted to leave, but there was a problem, Bill and Betty still believed that he would be a good man for her and Ronald had a legal power, he was her LEGAL GUARDIAN. “I am 16 years old, what do I do? Where can I run to? Where is Russ?” Donna arrived at her parents’ house, they asked several questions about the Adopted Mother, and Donna didn’t feel like talking, her life and soul changed from that day on.

In 1988 Donna and I met, we talked on the phone for 6 hours, she told me everything, all questions were answered. Donna had 3 children with Ronald and she left him a year after her lat son was born. Donna and I keep in touch to this day.

In August 1995 I met Russ, with his blue eyes and the face that Donna remembered. Donna was right, I do look like Russ. Russ passed away 2 month after I talked to him for the first time. He never forgot Donna, he always though that Donna raised me, when I told him that I was put up for adoption his first reaction was “She promised me she wouldn’t put you in an orphanage” I told him I was adopted the moment I was born “Donna, I loved her so much, I knew she would keep her promise. Is she as beautiful as she was back then?” he asked “she is better looking now” I said. “If it wasn’t for her father, your mother and I would have been together till this day, she is my first love you know” A week before Russ passed away, I arranged a 3 way conversation with Donna, Russ and I. I taped that call and kept it in a very special place, right next to my original birth certificate.

Today is Russ’s 12th anniversary of his death. Rest in peace Russ, Donna still loves you and I still look a lot like you, it would have been nice if we had the chance to know each other a little bit more.
And that’s how I was born.
Sincerely;
Jennifer Patricia (my adopted papers still show Patricia as mi middle name, funny ha?

My Mom and my sneezing

I am sick today, for some reason when my back gets wet from the rain I catch a cold, must be the Pisces in me or should I follow what my mother says “cover your back when you go to malls, the A/C can give you pneumonia” There is only one reason why I don’t follow what she says, I HATE MALLS, but if my mother could make the U.S a gigantic mall she would buy a house somewhere in US and live forever after. Why is it that people from Mexico love to shop? Or is it that my family has an illness called compulsive shopping? I don’t know, I don’t care, when they visit me I drop them off at the mall and go do my thing, thanks to technology and mobile phones all I have to do is give them one of my cell phones and they can call me when they are ready to STOP THE MADNESS!.

Funny that they say that they come to see ME, no they don’t. They come to drive me crazy, to use me as their chauffer, to take advantage of me being a butch so I can carry their bags full of their new finds. Funny that my mother knows I have a bad back and she always tells me not to carry heavy things “it will affect your ovaries” she says, for God’s sake Mother I don’t need my ovaries, I don’t want nor did I ever want children, but when it comes to her shopping and me carrying her bags, my ovaries will not be affected, my back will, but she doesn’t care, Neiman’s has a sale just for her!

I am the first one to browse websites and look for shit that I need or shit that I will need someday or simple ideas, but I do not shop just because I liked that little pink laze dress, OH WAIT! I hate pink, laze is to femme, last time I wore a skirt/dress was last Halloween when I went as Patsy Stone (AbFab) To me wearing a dress is dressing in Drag. Give me a t-shirt, a pair of good jeans or add another pair of Adidas tennis shoes to my collection, but I can always find them online, no gas spent, no finding parking space, no dealing with crazy people, just log in and grab my credit card. Last online shopping spree was last week, getting my costume for Halloween, this time no dress, I will be ½ whore ½ pimp, you think I can pull it off? I did and it only cost me $20.00! I just have to wait for FedEx to deliver my goods, after all the FedEx man doesn’t have ovaries and the FedEX woman is always cure and butchy.

My sister is just like my mother, but please do not tell her I said that. She will kill me. My mother is a compulsive shopper and my sister got that gene imbedded into her core. She will go into an office supply store and her hands will start sweating, her heart palpitates, sometimes I wonder if she even has a mild orgasm when she enters a new a store. Pathetic isn’t it?

i go with the flow, love a good joke, I can walk into a room knowing no one and come out with a hand full of new friends. But not today, today I have a cold, not even my co-workers want me around, I don’t blame them. My dad who is an ENT Doctor told me that it takes 10 days to get rid of a cold no matter what. I took some Zink, some say it helps, it tastes like shit and I know damn well that it will NOT work, I still have hope that my runny nose and my 100 degree fever will be cured due to a simple marketing scam called Zink. So far is not working.

Chicken soup? Sure sounds good but I will have to make it; I can’t stand canned soup and the way I feel now just opening the fridge is just too much for me. I guess I will wait for my honey to take care of me; she is my road to wellness, my Zink mama, my soup maker care taker, although she will probaly stay 5 feet away from me, but at least she wont ask me to go to the mall with her.

Funny, my Mom or Sister are not here to shop, this is when I need them, I want some liquids, a new t-shit, an aspirin, SHOP MOM SHOP!, my ovaries are fine today, it’s my throat and my sinuses that are begging for merci! Aaaachu! SALUD! How funny!